The Argentinian government has rechristened its top football league after the cruiser that was sunk by the British during the Falklands war. What are they playing at?
Age: Debatable.
Appearance: A solitary blot on the long history of peace between Britain and Argentina.
Are you being ironic there? You got me.
The Belgrano as in the ship Britain sank in the Falklands in 1982, killing 323 people? That's the one.
And you think its age is the debatable thing about it? One of the debatable things. Yes.
How exactly? Because it's the classic philosophical quandary: is a ship as old as its name or as the metal of its hull? If the former, the ARA General Belgrano lived to be 31. If the latter, it reached a ripe 44.
And why's that? Because it was adopted.
Adopted? Well, bought and renamed, at least. The Belgrano was first commissioned in the American navy as the USS Phoenix in 1938, saw a sizeable chunk of action in the second world war, and was sold to Argentina in 1951 and baptised the General Belgrano after the 19th-century military leader and politician who created Argentina's modern flag.
And then Britain sank it, killing 323 people? And eventually, we sank it, yes.
So what's it doing back in the news? The Argentinian government has named its top football league after it, just a couple of months before the 30th anniversary of the Falklands war.
Isn't that a bit defeatist? How so?
Well, it's a bit like calling the Premier League the Retreat From Dunkirk League, isn't it? I suppose.
Are you sure they're not just naming it after General Belgrano himself? Unlikely.
Because? Because the full name of the new first division is the Crucero General Belgrano Primera División, and that word "Crucero" means cruiser.
Does this mean they're gearing up for Falklands II: Falk Harder? Debatable.
And if they are, could Britain still win? That's debatable too.
What's changed? For one thing, oil has been found on them thar isles, making them considerably more worth fighting for than before.
And for another? For another, the British navy's shrinking – the fleet will soon have the same number of ships as Henry VIII had in his.
Britain would lose wouldn't it? Again, debatable.
Do say: "Are you the USS Phoenix in disguise?"
Don't say: "You only sink when you're winning."