Golden Globes 2012 – as it happened

Continuing live coverage of the Golden Globe awards from Los Angles with Hadley Freeman and Joshua Alston
• All times ET

7:00pm: Hadley – Hello and welcome all to the start of the Golden Globes liveblog. So far I've been watching an hour of the red carpet coverage on E! and already feel like I'm slightly on E: so many bright colours! And overenthusiastic people! And no one making any sense!

High points so far include George Clooney showing off his latest blonde girlfriend (who, in a certain light, reminds me a lot of his aunt Rosemary, although she has yet to break out into a rendition of Sisters, Rosemary's most famous song), and Ricky Gervais being Ricky Gervais-ish.

7.13pm: Joshua – Evening Hadley! Looking forward to watching this year's installment of "Ricky Gervais Rankles The Glitterati…and Also Awards!" with you.

As always, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association offered its blend of total-no-brainer and completely-out-of-left-field nominees, some of which I've just been staring at for a while in the hopes they'll start making sense. But there are some legitimately tight races this year, between very different types of nominees, and I'm interested to see how they shake out.

On the film side, The Descendants probably has the strong chance of taking Drama Picture, and the good will toward it will likely trickle down to George Clooney for drama actor, and possibly even Shailene Woodley for supporting actress.

The Artist has the best shot at the comedy or musical picture category, but I can see Bridesmaids as the upset. If Bridesmaids does pull it off, the speculation about its Oscar chances will start anew. I'd love to see Kristin Wiig win Comedy or Musical Actress, but she'll probably lose to Michelle Williams for My Week with Marilyn.

The television races look a little easier to call this year, with the increasingly buzzy Homeland as the drama series favorite, and Modern Family practically has no competition in the comedy series category.

Claire Danes will likely snag lead actress in a drama, while Kelsey Grammar will likely take lead actor in a drama, since Bryan Cranston is the only thing HFPA seems to like about Breaking Bad.

7.20pm: Hadley – *Waves cheerily* Hi Joshua! Let's get trashed – I mean, let's act like proper professionals and liveblog the hell out of this thing. So far all the dresses are dull, other than Selma Hayek who has just turned up wearing a computer on her breasts. Fact!

Oh, and if Bridesmaids beats The Artist I will throw my laptop out the window. And maybe Selma will pick it up on her way home and fashion it into a darling skirt for herself.

7.21pm: Joshua – I actually kind of like Salma's Mr Roboto dress. If she doesn't wear dresses like that Ricky Gervais will have no one to offend with his super-dangerous, envelope-pushing, boundary-shredding COMEDY.

Also, Bridesmaids is better than The Artist because it has words you can hear. HFPA voters love hearing things.

7.22pm: Hadley – Joshua, please. Bridemaids has a diarroeha joke. The Artist has an amazing dog. CASE CLOSED.

Oh look, Seth Rogen has lost at least 75% of his body weight and Angelina is sporting a hairstyle cruder mouths than mine would describe as a Croydon facelift. Obvs, I would NEVER say that myself. She is talking about how she only cared about how people in Bosnia felt about her movie, "not the Hollywood crowd." Seeing as I am neither I guess that's Angelina's way of giving me permission to never see her film. Thanks, Angie!

7.23pm: Joshua – I know nothing about dresses. Teach me about dresses, Hadley. Any you have liked tonight? I thought Claire Danes's was nice, though don't ask me to describe it in any way.

7.32pm: Hadley – Well, Joshua, that is quite a big ask. It would take years – YEARS – of close study at my knee for you to learn about dresses. Rocket science, schmocket schmience, red carpet talk is the real intellectual pursuit. Look what this intellectual rigour did to Joan Rivers face – it literally made it melt!

Since you asked, Claire's was OK, I thought, but Berenice Bejo's was lovely. You see? Only the true professionals can talk this shizzle *pats Joshua's head patronisingly*.

7.32pm: Hadley – Oh dear, Michelle Williams appears to have come dressed in my grandmother's carpet, in a dress designed for someone my grandmother's grandmother's grandmother's age. That is one terrible dress.

7.37pm: Joshua – I'll remember this moment always, as the moment my dress tutelage began. I think I have a tendency to think the nominees I want to win are also wearing the best clothes. I swear Bryan Cranston's tux is darker than Kelsey Grammer's.

7.39pm: Hadley – I see Mila Kunis is still working the goth look in her boring black Dior dress. Oh Mila, Black Swan is SO last year. Kate Beckinsale is wearing something boring and beige and talking in the most incomprehensible melange of an American / British accent and, coming from me, that really is saying something. She is talking about how she feels "sexier" as a brunette than as a blonde. Wow, this is breaking news, people!

In other news, Kate Winslet has arrived in a deeply unflattering black and white dress that looks like something one would wear to a board meeting in 1989. But where's Ned Rocknroll? That's all I care about.

7.42pm: Hadley – More breaking dress news: Reese Witherspoon is wearing the body of a red mermaid and Nicole Kidman has turned up in an Aztec Temple (the pastel version). End of dress news.

Meanwhile Kelly Osbourne – who America seems to have decided is a "fashion expert" – is claiming that "the fishtail is a massive trend this year", which is great news if you're a cod. David Duchovney has just turned up on the red carpet and he doesn't seem to be having sex with anyone yet so I guess his recovery from sex addiction is going great guns. Well done, David!

7.44pm: Joshua – I was just about to ask you about the "fish tail," Hadley. Is that a massive trend or is Kelly Osbourne just employing the "say things assertively so people will think you know what you're talking about" technique? I'm assuming it's the latter.

7.46pm: Hadley – Oh, look, it's Madonna! Surely WE hasn't been nominated for anything – right, Joshua? Unless it's for "most hilariously self-serving manipulation of history verging on misogyny?" – is that a category? As for Kelly, you have assumed rightly, my son. How fast you learn.

7.51pm: Hadley – I liked Madge's Reem Acra dress, for the record, although she has been wearing that style of dress since the mid 90s. But then, she also has been churning out the same style of songs for a while now so clearly consistency is no bad thing in Madge's book.

Now, Maya Rudolph is being as hilariously deadpan and self-deprecating as one would expect and hope. She is also wearing a perfectly nice dress, the kind of thing your lovely friend would wear when she wants to look nice for a big party, but doesn't have time to make too big of an effort. I really love Maya Rudolph.

7.55pm: Hadley – What are your opinions on Jessica Alba, Joshua? Every straight guy I know fancies the hell out of her, every woman I know can't see the point of her. She's like he modern day Audrey Hepburn, without the talent or career

7.56pm: Joshua – Well I'm a gay guy, so I want to become friends with Jessica Alba, then get into a huge fight with her over a boy, then tell everyone the story of how I have a feud with Jessica Alba for the rest of my life.

8.00pm: Hadley – Having perused Claire Danes' dress more closely, I can say that I officially hate it. It's hideously severe from the front and it's backless, which is fine on a dress for a party, but for the red carpet a backless dress is a disaster. This is because the actress will have to do that hideous Renee Zellwegger pose to the cameras, when she turns her back to them to show off her exciting backlessness and make that annoying moue of an expression: "Ooh, look at my back! My skin! My back! Ooh!" Hate that.

And Joshua, when you get into that fight with Jessica Alba, would it be over her husband, Cash? Because I'd quite like to go out with him, too. I have no idea what he looks like, but I would seriously love to have someone named "CASH" in my cell phone. "You have a message from Cash"; "Cash is calling" - who wouldn't love to see that on their phone?

8.01pm: Joshua – Exactly. So I can be all "Nuh uh, honey, that's MY Cash!" Which would be a pretty amazing catch phrase.

8.05pm: Hadley – Oh, we're starting! "Nervous?" says Ricky Gervais, smuggishly smugly. Only of being bored by your constant self-referencing, Ricky.

"The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton", he begins, and, yes, we can see where this is going. Although he does then get in a good gag about how Eddie Murphy, the man who did Norbit, turned down the Oscars. I'll give him that one.

Amy Poehler just winced at Gervais' announcement that he has a "tiny penis." I didn't think it was possible, but I now love Amy even more.

Jodie Foster, game girl, gave Gervais an A-OK sign when he made a joke about her "beaver", proving she has a stronger stomach than me.

8.07pm: Hadley – Meryl Streep is not laughing at Gervais's jokes. She's not even listening. She appears to be eating cheese sticks. Love Meryl.

8.08pm: Joshua – Am I allowed to think that Gervais's monologue is hilarious and also hate how winky and self-referential it is? Because I'm doing both.

8.08pm: Hadley – That is the secret to Gervais' success, I fear. But for me, personally, Gervais' massive ego is just an insurmountable problem for me. He is just too David Brent with his inflated belief that everything he says is hilarious.

8.10pm: Hadley – I think Johnny Depp is turning into Robert Downey Junior, down to insisting on keeping his tinted glasses on at the Golden Globes, as Downey Junior did last year. None of these are positive developments in the World of Depp.

Depp is here to introduce Hugo which – and I'll go out on a limb here – I quite liked.

8.10pm: GONG! The award for best supporting actor in a motion picture goes to – Christopher Plummer in Beginners.

8.11pm: Hadley – I highly approve of this one. Plummer was totally ace in that film as an older man who comes out after his wife dies, so much so I didn't think of him once – not once! – as Mr Von Trapp.

8.13pm: Hadley – Christopher Plummer makes a reference to Hollywood as "the land of Rin Tin Tin", and you can just hear the whole room going "how OLD is this guy?!" He also thanks Ewan MacGregor in a most unfortunate Scottish accent, but I forgive him for also taking the time to thank the dog, Arthur, in the film. Arthur, incidentally, is also my dog's name which in no way biased my opinion of this film.

8.14pm: Joshua – So much for an early upset, Plummer's name was thrown around a lot as the favorite in this category. But I love watching old people win awards. They tend to say whatever they want and totally ignore any cues to leave – the makings of a quality awards speech.

8.14pm: Hadley – Those totems of Hollywood acting, Ashton Kutcher and Elle MacPherson, are presenting the award for best actress in a TV show. Or something. Seriously, Ashton and Elle. Was Jessica Alba too busy?

8.15pm: GONG! Laura Dern for Enlightenment gets best actress in a TV Series, comedy or musical.

8.16pm: Hadley – Huh. Dern beat my favourite, Amy Poehler from Parks and Recreation. So I don't care and am taking a bathroom break.

8.19pm: Joshua – It drives me crazy that Laura Dern won actress in a comedy, but it was practically a foregone conclusion. She had the advantage of being able to submit a pilot for consideration, and she also had the "my comedy is actually a drama at half the length" advantage. Good for her, or whatever, but that had Amy's name on it.

8.21pm: Hadley – I think it was a mistake having Rob "Fanta" Lowe and Julianne "ghost" Moore present an award together. They look like alternate paint samples.

8.22pm: GONG! And the award for best miniseries or TV movie goes to Downton Abbey.

8.25pm: Hadley – Britain goes wild! And here's Julian Fellowes doing his "I'm literally the human embodiment of English toffiness! Tally ho!" bit. "How fabulous this is!" he coos, as Stephen Fry spits in anger that someone has stolen his life role.

8.25pm: GONG! And the award for best actress in a mini-series or TV movie goes to Kate Winslet for Mildred Pierce.

8.27pm: Hadley – And there's Ned Rocknroll right behind her, looking every inch the kind of man who would name himself "Ned Rocknroll." Well, that's me satisfied.

8.30pm: Hadley – As usual, Kate Winslet is doing her hyperventilating thank you speech, as if she had never won an award before. At least she's not repeating that "gather gather" schtick but, seriously, she is the Taylor Swift of actresses with her embarrassing over-gratitude at awards ceremonies. Give it a rest, Winslet.

And the orchestra thinks the same as me and is playing the "get off the stage" music.

8.35pm: Joshua – The middling reviews are already coming in for Gervais's "hey look at me" monologue.

8.31pm: Joshua – Midnight in Paris has the best chance of beating The Artist in Best Comedy or Musical. But I'm still pulling for Bridesmaids, I guess because I'm a fan of pooping or whatever.

8.35pm: Hadley – I'd be happy if Paul Feig won best director for Bridesmaids – I mean, the man created Freaks and Geeks and directed Arrested Development. He should get every award in the world. But if it wins best film, the laptop gets it.

I am totally mystified by the excitement about Midnight in Paris – it is like a Woody Allen short story from the 1970s stretched to movie length. It is also a watered down, less interesting version of The Purple Rose of Cairo. Yes, Owen Wilson is very sweet in it but Best Film? Pass the sick bag, Alice.

8.37pm: GONG! The award for best actor in a drama series goes to Kelsey Grammer.

8.38pm: GONG! The award for best TV series or drama goes to Homeland.

8.40pm: Joshua – As expected Kelsey Grammer takes actor in a drama series for Boss, a show no one watches or cares about, according to me. The lack of Breaking Bad love just baffles me. Bryan Cranston has collected a ton of awards for that performance, but HFPA can be so bizarre with its off-consensus nominees.

8.42pm: Hadley – So Homeland gets best TV drama. Which means we'll all get to see Claire Danes' back again. Which is, um, nice? Apparently, this show is great but I just couldn't quite swallow the idea of Danes as some kind of female Jack Bauer so I have not graced it with my custom. Next!

8.44pm: Joshua – It's phenomenal. I'm so thrilled for Homeland, which deserves every bit of the effusive praise it got for its first season.

But I fear that Homeland will have a similar arc as a show like Lost as far as awards go. It'll be really hot this year, but if it stumbles at all narratively in season two, you won't hear the word Homeland uttered next year. Except for in the sentence: "I wish Ricky Gervais would return to his homeland."

8.48pm: Hadley – Right, seeing as Adam Levine is presenting an award, can we just talk about Levine? As in, WTF? Why is this guy famous? Why is he considered attractive? I feel like I'm eating crazy pills. Joshua, can you help here?

8.49pm: GONG! The award for best original score goes to The Artist.

8.50pm: Hadley – Oh dear, the dude who's collecting the award for The Artist has an incomprehensible French accent and everyone looks awkward, except for Angelina, who might be looking serious, but she might just be incapable of moving her face because of her Croydon facelift hairstyle.

8.51pm: GONG! Best original song goes to Madonna, for Masterpiece.

8.52pm: Joshua – Ugh, now Madonna gets to describe that movie as "Golden Globe-winning" for the rest of eternity.

9.01pm: GONG! Best actor in miniseries or TV motion picture goes to Idris Elba in Luther.

9.01pm: Joshua – Congrats to Idris Elba, who is really terrific in Luther. I'm prepared to have that "men who are appealing" conversation now, Hadley.

9.05pm: Hadley – Well, my number one crush is and always will be Will Arnett, but I expect this might be unique to me. I even watch Up All Night for him, and, again, I suspect I might be alone in that. How about you?

9.06pm: GONG! And the award for best actress in a musical or comedy movie goes to Michelle Williams for My Week with Marilyn.

9.07pm: Hadley – Nooooo! Kristen Wiig should have got that one, for sure. Looks like Bridesmaids is not going to stage an upset tonight.

"I consider myself a mother first and an actress second," says Michele. Which is nice but also a little nauseating. And when she starts talking about all those bedtime stories she reads to her daughter I completely tune out. Because I am a bitch and that's how I roll.

9.08pm: Joshua – Isn't "nice but also a little nauseating" par for the course tonight?

I have the same issue with Michelle Williams's win as I did with Laura Dern's, even though I adore both of them as actresses. The HFPA way of grouping musicals and comedies together puts more purely comedic performances at a disadvantage. I'd have the same reaction had Charlize Theron won, since Young Adult was pretty far from a comedy tonally. Kristin Wiig definitely deserved that one.

9.12pm: GONG! Best supporting actor in a TV series or TV movie goes to Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones.

9.13pm: Hadley – one for the geeks, Joshua?

9.14pm: Joshua – Very well deserved. When you condense a field of performances down to five, the nominees are all deserving. Good for Peter Dinklage. There's no more fun acceptance to watch than that of the character actor who everybody in the room has worked with and likes, but has never really been recognized. Everyone in the room gets really excited.

9.21pm: GONG! The award for best animated feature film goes to The Adventures of Tintin.

9.22pm: Hadley – Are you kidding me? That film was lame. Lame! Butat least we get to see Spielberg make a thank you speech. Which feels so, you know, 90s. Also, I'm pleased for lovely Edgar Wright and Joe Cornish, who co-wrote the script. But all that aside, that movie was seriously lame. Yes, I'm a Tintin fan, but not an obsessive one, and I went to that film full of hope and goodwill. It was all dashed. Dashed, I tell you, dashed! That is a joke that Tintin won.

9.25pm: GONG! Best screenplay goes to Woody Allen for Midnight in Paris.

9.28pm: Joshua – congrats to Woody Allen and all, but he's not even there to accept, and I was hoping Jim Rash, who co-wrote The Descendants with Nat Faxon and George Clooney, would take to the stage to accept as his Dean Pelton character from Community.

9.30pm: Hadley –  And just to be clear, "Jessica Lange, American Horror Story" refers to the name of the show she's in, not a reference to the horror story that is whatever injuries she appears to have afflicted upon her poor face. Honestly, her eyes appear to be halfway round the back of her head these days.

9.32pm: Joshua – I'm really confused by Jessica Lange's win, though the Golden Globes are far more susceptible than the Emmys to being influenced by buzz. And the buzz surrounding American Horror Story was deafening, even though most of the conversation was about whether people hated it, totally hated it, or liked it because they didn't want to admit they hated it. Apparently the voters are really enthusiastic about the show, given its nomination for Drama Series, but how Lange beat out Sofia Vergara or Evan Rachel Wood is anyone's guess. Lange's performance was SUPER hammy.

9.35pm: GONG! Best foreign language film goes to the Iranian movie A Separation.

9.37pm: Hadley – Well, this really is supposed to be an amazing film. I haven't seen it, admittedly. I nearly went on Friday but opted instead for Puss in Boots and no, I'm not embarrassed about that at all.

9.38pm: GONG! The award for best actress in TV series drama goes to Claire Danes, for Homeland.

9.40pm: Joshua: I was going to literally stroke out if Claire Danes didn't win this, but I'm not sure she had any real competition. The Callie Thorne nomination for Necessary Roughness made me have to sit down. The only other choice was Julianna Margulies, who just won it last year and was going up against Danes's pilot submission. Seriously Hadley, please watch Homeland. It's so good.

9.41pm: Hadley – OK, I'll give Homeland a go. After all, no matter how lame her dress, Claire Danes IS Angela Chase and, for that, she'll always have my support.

9.42pm: Hadley – Anyway, back to the fanciability or otherwise of Ewan MacGregor. Joshua, are you American or British? And how old are you? Forgive me for the impertinent questions but this is important.

9.44pm: Joshua – I'm American and, um, early-30s!

9.45pm: Hadley – Hmm, so you were an impressionable teenager when Trainspotting came out. Was that a big deal here? Because that was a massive deal in England and is the reason why every single one of my friends fancied Ewan and why he'll forever be associated with the 90s for me. Like Andie MacDowell, say, or Penelope Ann Miller. But maybe that's not a problem Americans have.

Time for some news from backstage.

9.49pm: GONG! Best actor in a TV series,comedy or musical goes to Matt LeBlanc.

9.49pm: Hadley – I'm really rather pleased about this. There was recently a very mean story in the Daily Mail about him trying to pick up a chick in London by asking her, Joey-style, "How YOU doing?" So what I'm saying is, Matt has my pity vote. Go Joey! I mean, Matt!

9.50pm: Joshua – This was a pretty odd category, the Thomas Jane nomination confused me in particular (even though I like that show.) But Matt LeBlanc was passed over for Golden Globes so many times for his sort of underrated work on Friends, so I think the voters might have been tempted by a "the redemption of Matt LeBlanc" narrative.

9.50pm: GONG! The award best supporting actress in a comedy or musical movie goes to Octavia Spencer in The Help.

9.51pm: Hadley – Um, well, I can't say that I'm all that pleased as I wanted Berenice Bejo, and I hated The Help, but Octavia seems nice and she referenced Martin Luther King in her speech already so I can't rag on her that much.

9.52pm: Joshua: Octavia Butler was practically a lock for supporting actress for her work in The Help, but everyone was really pulling for her, and you can tell. The way she was coronated, you'd have thought she was the underdog.

I didn't hate the show, but I didn't love it either. It was inoffensive, when it could have been totally offensive, and that's great I guess, but nothing to hand out awards to. Butler was terrific in it, though.

9.59pm: Hadley – So this year's Old Esteemed Actor Who Gets Condescendingly Applauded by People Like Ashton Kutcher and Jessica Alba is ... Sidney Poitier, here to present some kind of lifetime achievement thing to Morgan Freeman. Unfortunately for Sidney, the autocue is either stuck or he genuinely speaks at one word a minute, which rather ruins the gravitas of the moment

10.01pm: Joshua – I think he's just bad at reading the prompter. It's almost as though he was afraid they were going to trick him into saying something stupid, so he waited until all the words were there before he said them.

10.10pm: Hadley – "I've had a few glasses of wine..." begins Helen Mirren, also here to applaud Morgan Freeman. Well, at least this should be more fun than Sidney. And yes, she does actually seem to be drunk, berating Morgan for not casting her in more of his movies. "I could have been a penguin!" Helen hoots. Morgan gazes at her stonily, unamused.

10.13pm: Hadley – Oh God, it's Downey Junior, being weird. I think I preferred him last year when he turned up on stage in tinted sunglasses and berated Gervais for being rude about people before then leching over all the nominated actresses. As it is, he's just being boring and staccato and self-important. Maybe the effect of drugs never leave your system, even years later.

10.16pm: Best director for a film, comedy or musical goes to... Martin Scorcese for Hugo!

10.18pm: Joshua – I'm actually a little surprised, but I like the idea of a Scorsese renaissance. I thought Alexander Payne would win here, but if the voters wanted to award a complete body of work, Scorsese would be the clear choice.

10.19pm: GONG! The award for best TV series, comedy or musical, goes to Modern Family.

10.21pm: Hadley – This really is a great show and has won pretty much every award in the world by this point. It will probably won the Nobel Peace Prize and you know what? It deserves to.

10.22pm: Joshua – Modern Family could literally win this award every year until it goes off the air. It's a good show, but not as good as it was in its first season. But because it's such an episodic show, however it's trending creatively, they can always pick their five non-sequential episodes that are the funniest and blow a show with serial plotting out of the water.

10.27pm: Hadley – Oh, and it behoves me to inform you all that just before the Modern Family award a Ricky Gervais joke got bleeped out. I *think* he said "I can't understand a fucking word they say", but I sort of hate the idea of recording this moment for posterity and therefore encouraging the idea of Gervais as some Master of Ceremonies wildcard. Gervais swore onstage, OK? Can we all move along now.

10.28pm: GONG! Best actor in a motion picture, comedy or musical goes to Jean Dujardin in The Artist.

10.28pm: Joshua – Now this is really embarrassing, but um, I didn't see The Artist. But I've heard good things from people besides you!

10.31pm: Hadley – Gasp! Well, that at least explains the Bridesmaids love! Promise me you'll go see it tomorrow, OK?

In the mean time, I loved Dujardin's speech, and I particularly loved that his lookalike wife was filming it on her phone! Adorbs. That silent movie joke at the end was rather sweet. And that man's eyebrows were off the charts.

10.32pm: Joshua – Is there any pooping in it at all? I don't necessarily need an entire comedic setpiece, but give me something. I did adore his speech, so I'm headed to the see The Artist for that reason alone.

10.35pm: Hadley – Watching Colin Firth get up on the podium after Ricky Gervais is like watching that moment when Clark Kent becomes Superman.

10.35pm: GONG! Best actress in a movie, drama goes to Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady.

10.37pm: Hadley – Well, that's great, because that lady really has been slogging round for years with absolutely no recognition. Thank God they finally gave her an award. Jesus H Christ.

10.38pm: Joshua – Exactly. A foregone conclusion, to be sure. She's an iconic actress, which is what makes her "who me?" response to her name being read kind of precious and irritating.

10.40pm: Hadley – Meryl thanks England "for letting me trample all over your history." She should really apologise for starring in a film that abuses history almost as badly as WE, but whatevs. And then the orchestra strikes up! Are they daring to try to shut up Mary? Forsooth, the cheek!

10.41pm: GONG! Best film, comedy or musical, is The Artist.

10.42pm: Hadley – Uggie the dog is on stage and stealing the attention. You'll be unamazed to know this makes me love this film even more. The producer is as short and dark and cheeky looking as the laziest stereotype of a French director could be.

10.43pm: Hadley – Obviously, this is not an indication that The Artist will win the Oscar, but it's not a negative sign, is it? This is an excellent turn of events. Well done, Golden Globes for not giving it to Driving Miss Daisy part two, aka The Help.

10.45pm: Joshua – I just had to roll it back to verify, but the producer who accepted on behalf of The Artist referred to the award he was holding as "this Oscar." SO awkward. HFPA is totally freaking out right now.

10.49pm: Hadley: Ha! Fortunately his French accent was so thick that you were literally the only person in America who picked up on that

10.50pm: GONG! The award for best actor in a motion picture drama goes to George Clooney for The Descendents.

10.54pm: Hadley – Give me a mofo break. My God, that film is so MOR, so smug, so pointless, the cinematic and American equivalent of the worst kind of Julian Barnes novel. Boring.

Clooney just thanked Brad Pitt for "the wonderful work he does in the rest of the world,for the rest of the people." Oh for the love of Mary.

10.54pm: The award for best motion picture drama goes to. The Descendents.

10.56pm: Joshua – At least the nominees who leave without awards get a bag full of products that cost a tenth of the products they normally use. If Helen Mirren uses $15 L'Oreal anti-wrinkle cream, I'll eat my hat.

10.56pm: Joshua – My gracious, Hadley, you have to meet me halfway here. I loved the Descendants. It's a little manipulative, sure, but I didn't mind the manipulation. It was like a good massage.

10.58pm: Hadley – Nope, won't meet you halfway, Joshua. Sorry. I did warn you I'm a total bitch. But it just won the big 'un, so that's some consolation, right?

11.00pm: Joshua – Vindication! The Descendants had the best shot at this award, which is why Alexander Payne's loss in Director confused me, and it's even more confusing now.

11.02pm: Hadley – OK, we're outta here! Well, that was.. weird. No big surprises, Gervais felt a little neutered and muzzled and the only realy stand out moment for me was Helen Mirren giving, shall we say, a good impression about being drunk. What did you think, Joshua?

11.03pm: Joshua – You basically nailed it, Hadley. The Golden Globes is supposed to be the daring, relaxed, funny, surprising kudocast, and this was pretty muted and boring. Gervais didn't live up to the dangerous image he'd built up in previous years.

11.0rpm: Hadley – Oh well! We amused each other, didn't we, Joshua? I'm off to bed now as I, unlike the rest of America, have to work tomorrow. See you here for the next awards show!

11.05pm: Joshua – Thanks Hadley! Sleep tight.