Yes, young man is entering US politics. And his name might sound familiar
Age: 31.
Appearance: Strong jaw, wavy red hair, the air of a man who owes it to the nation to run for office.
Bloody politicians. In it for the nookie and the kickbacks, and all pretending they want to heal the world. Such cynicism! Joseph P Kennedy III's family has proved its devotion to America time and again. His father was a Democratic congressman, his grandad Robert was attorney general, and his great uncle John was president. JPK III himself is now running for congress in Massachusetts.
Brave man. Don't the Americans bump off prominent Kennedys? There is a slight assassination problem. Both Robert and John were shot dead in the 1960s.
Ah yes. And wasn't there a drowning in the family as well? Ish. John and Robert's brother Ted did indeed drive off a bridge in Massachusetts one night in 1969, leaving his female companion dead. But since Ted most certainly hadn't been drinking before crashing the car, running away and failing to call the emergency services, the courts let him off with a slap on the wrist.
That's enough depressing history. What was JPK III doing before he decided to jump on the gravy train? Until last month he was an assistant DA. He studied at Harvard Law School, just like his fiancee, who works for a healthcare charity.
And what does he do in his spare time? He's a keen lacrosse player.
Shouldn't he stick to drinking and pretending to be Irish? After all, that's what people expect from a Kennedy. He insists he's not trading on the family name. "You've got to earn it," he says. "You've got to go out every day and talk to people, listen to their concerns, shake more hands, knock on more doors, take more phone calls and spout more patronising drivel."
Did he really say that last bit? Possibly not. But he certainly implied it.
Do say: "He's learned from Bobby and Jack's mistakes …"
Don't say: "For a start, he won't shag Marilyn Monroe."
Not to be confused with: Nigel Kennedy, Kennedy Space Centre, Kenickie.